Birthday Boy

Cooper turned three today. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew we were having a boy. Just a feeling of knowing, not something I can describe. Blake and I didn't talk about a bunch of options for a boy's name. Cooper was a great fit. At that time, we didn't know of any other Cooper's in town, and Cooper is my mom's maiden name. Cooper's middle name is Allen, which was the maiden name of Blake's grandma.

He made a grand entrance in to the world. At a prenatal doctor's visit where I mentioned to the doc that Blake weighed over 10 pounds when he was born, the doc sent me in for an ultrasound to see how big Cooper was. What we found out was that Cooper weighed only almost 8 pounds but I had only about half as much amniotic fluid as I should. (I thought I peed my pants a few days before the doc visit, but obviously my water had broken and sealed back over. Long embarassing story for another time.) It was one week before my due date, so I got admitted to the hospital and induced the next morning.

My induction lasted twelve hours with no progression. I dialated to a one. So, I got induced a second day. I dialated to a five after another twelve hours of labor, so they (FINALLY) decided I needed a c-section. They couldn't find Coop's heartbeat several times throughout the day, I had a fever, and my labor wasn't progressing as it should.

They got me on the table and Coop delivered in less than an hour. After having a scheduled c-section with Evan, I have begun to understand what an emergency my c-section with Cooper actually was. With Evan, the c-section took a couple of hours, and she was born very alert. With Cooper, it took only about 30 minutes and he was blue and quiet when he was delivered.

Regardless of how he came in to this world, I am so thankful he is here and he is mine. Looking back on that day three years ago, I was scared and naive. I wanted a healthy baby so badly. I prayed that if God would bring him in to world healthy, I would do my very best not to screw him up.

Unlike so many who take to motherhood with ease, I have struggled to become a good mother. There are times that I feel I didn't do justice to Cooper. I am still trying to figure it out day by day. Cooper has a very strong bond to Blake and I envy Blake for that wonderful relationship they share. But I hope that Cooper looks back on his childhood one day and can see the love and adoration I feel for him, too. Even though I am not perfect, I want to be the best mommy I can be for him. Happy birthday, my sweet baby boy.